Purrs Like An Ed
by Nine90
Summary: A lot of the fanfictions featuring the Retro Van always show the Eds driving the van but never repairing it first. After all, it's the Eds, right? What can they do wrong? Right? right? Not like the engine would fly out or the doors would pop right off or Ed would eat the whole thing!


**Purrs Like An Ed**

The garage door opened to an amusing and, quite frankly, unexpected sight. All along the road were markings, scratches and cracks as if someone had taken an unfruitful pickaxe to the road. Right in front of the garage sat a GMC Vandura, looking weather beaten and unused. There were no wheels to speak of, only the rims on which the car had been brought to his house.

Edd pinched his nose bridge, shaking his head. Near fourteen years of knowing the two boys and some of their antics still amused him. He finally turned his head up and looked around for the trolley he had sent Ed and Eddy with, wondering what they had done with it. As if reading his mind, Eddy answered between bites of his sandwich, carelessly sauntering into the garage…

"Ed thought the wheels looked like donuts and wanted to test it out…" Edd turned incredulously to stare at Eddy. He knew it was useless to argue and logically understand what was going on through the third teen's head but he just had to…

"And what about his life? Has he never gazed upon a set of wheels for a vehicle ever in his life?" Edd asked, slowly and carefully as he tried to process everything.

"Well, how am I supposed to know, Sock Head? Rolf's right, that lump has noodles for head." Eddy made an incredibly difficult feat of flipping open a chair while taking a bite of his sandwich and still somehow succeeding in answering look like a child's play. Edd's mouth fell open…

"Is the van ready yet?" Edd felt the question reverberate in his bones as Ed came up very, _very_ close and screamed his question right into Edd's ears, smiling widely.

"Hardly, Ed… I've yet to start reconstruction procedures for the vehicle." Edd answered after he had gotten his bearings, heart still beating a mile a minute from the earlier scream.

"Get it done!" Eddy demanded, growling slightly to himself. Edd pursed his lips and walked over to the van. Just as he reached out and took hold of the hood to open it, Ed rushed up to him and grabbed hold of the hood, prompting Edd to meekly speak out, "Oh dear!"

And then the hood was removed clean from the car. Ed threw the hood up in the air gleefully. Edd kept staring wistfully at the place the hood once was, wistfully wondering if the lovable oaf was going to tear apart any other pieces of metal off the van like leaves off a plant.

Before he could muse further, a metallic thunk and Eddy's scream brought him out of the reverie. Welp, now Edd had to patch up Eddy before working on the van.

"There, done!" Edd breathed out a sigh of relief, finally patching up Eddy's head. The former had seen the latter's eyes drift in and out, as if drifting in and out of focus, during the whole patch up. He wondered if the hood of the car was heavy enough to concuss the short teen.

Finally breathing out calmly once he was done, Edd put away his medical bag neatly and then turned around… only to let out a scream of horror.

In all of the three minutes it had taken him to grab his medical bag and patch up Eddy, the unbelievably strongest of three Eds had torn each and every single panel and piece off the van, stripping it down to its metal frame, seats, dashboard, steering wheel and the water bed.

"Well, that complicates matters quite a bit!" Edd mumbled to himself, staring at the van with eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"Did I do good, Double D?" Ed said with a wide smile on his face. Edd shook his head to flick away the surprise and spoke up…

"Quite… Ed…"

It took Ed and Edd better part of an hour to properly paint the stripped metal panels in a more striking purple with flames. The colors were more vibrant now than before, the metal panels didn't look dusted and rusted anymore. Now that the panels were colored and done, Edd dared not let Ed touch it. All while Eddy made snide remarks about team work and watched from the seat.

"Eddy, I would prefer if you help me out in decorating the interior. Ed is rather… strong… and his inhuman strength will prove detrimental to the inner designs of the vehicle!" Edd requested, wiping away sweat on his forehead. The Ed in question grumbled but left his perch nonetheless, coming to the van to help. Edd turned to Ed and continued…

"Ed, I have removed the screws and other bindings holding the engine in its place inside the engine chambers up front, will you be a darling and remove it. Be gentle, Ed, if you drop it, throw it or break it in any way, I will not be able to repair the van!" Edd explained everything to Ed, hardly stopping in between. The latter just stared at the former with a blank expression. Then he struck out his tongue and crossed his eyes.

"Ed, just get the engine out and don't break it!" Edd said, pinching his nose bridge and shaking his head. He looked up and stared as Ed threw the hood open, getting a welp out of Edd, and singlehandedly lifted the engine from its place and put it beside himself, making Edd sigh in relief as Eddy laughed himself double.

"You should'a seen the look on your face, Double D, you looked like you would burst!" Eddy finally explained his laughter, straightening out from said laughter. He breathed out once, calming himself. Then burst out into gales of laughter yet again. Edd narrowed his eyes at Eddy, pursing his lips. Finally the short teen stopped laughing and straightened out yet again…

"Now, Eddy, shall we?" Edd asked bemusedly, pointing to the van's open door. Eddy looked at the door for a bit, as if lost and wondering. Then quickly jumped up…

"Oh, yeah, let's go!"

Edd wondered how the inside of a dashboard could house rats? Or a waterbed and shag carpeting be infested with flees? Or the steering wheel be deteriorating like torn paper? Too many questions and too much work, Edd decided to focus on the latter. He could think about the questions later when the van was running.

Of course, it had fallen to Eddy to clean much of the gutted vehicles insides as Edd would run off to vomit every minute when he would catch whiff of one dead animal or another inside the cabin. Eddy had grumbled about wondering how the three had even considered the van to be a good hideout. Ed remained unfazed and upbeat as ever.

Now, with the insides refurbished, redesigned and looking a lot better in Edd's opinion, it was time to rework the engine. Edd and Eddy had argued about what to run the van on. Eddy had argued it should use both fuel and electricity in case one or the other ran out while Edd was adamant on using only electricity.

In all of their argument, Ed would sporadically interject with the need to run the vehicle on peanut butter and jelly. But in a burst of random genius, Ed surprised the other two by suggesting how electricity should be the main source of power and gasoline engine be used only as a backup when the battery runs out. The other two stunned teens had agreed that this was the best course of action.

Now, it fell to Edd to fit his custom made electric motor and battery system that he had prepared beforehand. And of course Ed, being the strongest, had been tasked with putting it in.

"CAREFUL EDWARD!" Edd shouted with wide eyes as he saw the mentioned teen pluck the more up from the ground like a water bottle and singlehandedly bring it to the engine compartment and place it in. As Ed lowered the engine in, Edd stuck underneath the van and started wiring up the motor, then started joining up axle and the motor output. Finally, breathing out, Edd said…

"It's time to seat the gasoline engine in its proper compartment, Ed. Let's do it carefully this time around too!" Edd ordered, cranking his head higher in the cramped space to look at the hole above him where the engine was supposed to be seated…

Then the underside of the van was moving away from him…

Edd was surprised, nay, horrified to see that Ed had singlehandedly lifted up the van. Edd let out a muffled cry as the fuel engine went flying above him and placed right into the space he had made for it. Edd couldn't believe it; the strong and lovable oaf had lifted up the van in one hand and the engine in another and then put the two together like one does with Lego blocks.

Edd shook his head and sat up. But before he could react, the van came crashing down on him. Ed had put it down. A flattened Edd still moved his arms, barely and painfully, to put the engine's necessary wires and rods together. After he was done, Ed yanked him out from under the van and shaken like a doll. Surprisingly, the shaking subdued the pain.

"It's ready, gentlemen. Time to take our work of blood and sweat out and test it out to the fullest of its capabilities!" Edd shakily announced once Ed had put him down. The other two Eds crowded and rushed straight into the van with Edd stumbling after them into the driver's seat. He put the key into the ignition…

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Ed muttered as Edd turned the ignition…

"IT'S ALIVE BABY! IT IS ALIVE!" Eddy screamed, decimating the other two teens eardrums, when the nearly silent electric motor sprang to life. Edd smirked, looking at the other two with proud eyes. He then changed the gear and put the van into motion. Edd was testily, and confidently, revving his motor while Ed giggled like a school boy. Eddy was laughing maniacally with his arms raised.

Slowly, the van rolled out of the garage. Just as the van came out into the driveway, Eddy brought his hands down on the dashboard with a loud "Ha!" and Ed kicked the dashboard in excitement while giggling loudly. The van juddered and shuddered and then the motor died. Just as Edd was about to open his mouth, the hood flew open. Smoke spewed forth from the van's motor.

"Well, at least we can hypothesize it was the vehicle's motor being overheated rather than your maniacal treatment of the vehicle that caused this debacle." Edd blandly noted, flipping open the little lid on the dashboard and pressing the button under. Suddenly, the gasoline engine roared to life…

"I admit I am proven wrong in my demand of using only an electric motor…" Edd continued, revving the engine and putting it into the first gear. He slowly moved the van ahead and got ready to start driving.

Just as the van drove onto the road, the engine spluttered. They heard a little bang behind them under the waterbed and then the entire vehicle died, the engine's loud roar falling away. Edd stared ahead blankly. He imagined that Eddy was doing the same!

"Let's do it again, guys! AGAIN!" Ed shouted gleefully. Edd heard a thud to his right, assuming Eddy had left the car. He did not turn to confirm his doubts. He only threw the door open and walked out, callously throwing advice over his shoulders…

"Ed, please push the van into my garage and close the doors behind you. I will go take a short nap to wash away the sorrows of the day! You should too."

And with that, Ed was left the only one in the van, who was not quite fazed by this. Quite contrary, he enjoyed having the van all to himself. Until next time!


End file.
